Nips' Conniptions

While growing up, I had the incredibly good fortune of assigning the term “home” to the same physical address for 18 years. Contrary to the Spokanian Doc (Ballgame)'s proclamations to the contrary, my brothers and I did, in fact, not drive around in Jeeps while firing shotguns at each other. We definitely did, however, get to spend a lot of time learning great lessons from nature, as we were situated along a nice trout stream and nestled within a lively little forest. Apparently the prior owners of the house liked to "commune" with nature as well, since, according to lore, there were a good deal of grow lamps in the basement upon moving in. The theory was bolstered by the beaded entries to every room, blood-red-and-black paint schemes, and a lovely full-wall mural of the Chinese landscape.

Naturally, the décor didn’t settle with the new residents, so renovation projects ensued shortly after their arrival. In addition to the obvious cosmetic changes, the makeshift downstairs sauna was hastily converted to a bathroom. I can just imagine the conversation that occurred when the light and fan switches were installed backwards:

“Whoops, wrong switches.”

“Oh, well.”

And with that, their unborn middle son was ruined for life. I find myself in a darkened room with a fan on every time I go into my bathroom, as I am constantly flicking the wrong switch. And I don't own any grow lamps.

It reminds me of that Larson Far Side comic in which the child is stymied while pulling the “push” door to the “School for the Gifted.”

I’m so smart. S-M-R-T.

And it’s my fing birthday.

Posted by ndNips on Saturday, July 07, 2007 at 2:16 PM | Permalink