Nips' Conniptions

So I have been reading online posting sites such as "I'mabigwhiner.com," "Thisblows.com," and "MyselfesteemislowsoI'llriponyou.com," with the express intent of tempering my incredible excitement about picking up the Minneapolis Wireless service. Quick background: Last year it was really cool for cities to pretend to have wifi. They got all dressed up in Earthlink contracts and perfumed themselves with pilot zones to impress each other, but when 2008 rolled around, they traded in their airs and got real: There's no way. Except Minneapolis. It had gotten in too deep with a local contractor and really couldn't get out. As a result, we're stuck with a 3-month-delayed municipal wifi solution that has endured pretty extreme setbacks, a healthy dose of reality, and the sparkling chance that it just might actually work. How does the latter fit with the former(s)? Well, everybody gets their hopes up, signs on, and it doesn't work. Then they yell. Regardless, I have conscripted a guinea pig to run some tests for me. And by conscripted, I mean "will badger with questions until he finally gives me enough affirmative answers that I'll dive in." The goal is to have every square inch of the city in range of a wifi receiver. This includes the lakes, parks, and high rises. As you'd expect, this has been scaled down a bit, but the spirit is still there. When it is complete, I should be able to move about town with my lappy and have access to the net wherever I go. The best part is that it is locked in at less than $20 a month, FAR better than the $50 I get charged by Comcast ("Comcastic" still seems like an insult to me...). And that might help me with that electricity bill.

Posted by ndNips at 2:01 AM | Permalink | Comments

I need to remember to give Dixie a call. You see, as autumn matured each year in South Bend, and brain damaged baritones steadfastedly marched about campus with nothing more than last week's calluses on their soles, Dixie would become concerned with the possibility of feeling the effects of podietal over exposure. Each time, I assured her that, while very cold, the November weather probably wouldn't claim her extremities, and that she would be fine as long as she savored the speed humps.

The same can not be said about the unforgiving deep-freeze of February in the Great White North. Last night I waited at a bus stop for a half hour in near zero degree weather. All night long, after retiring for the evening, my ears itched. That's right kids, my ears had begun to freeze. Thankfully it was just a little nip and all is well.

This evening I again waited for a bus, this time growing impatient with it and setting off for home on foot. About three quarters of the way home I found myself stopped at a red light. The bus, as buses often do, pulled up along side of me out of spite: this was to be the stop where I would dismount. Some sorority girls spilled from the front door and gathered around me at the street corner, waiting for the light to turn. After a few furtive glances, one bluntly informed me that "Your nose is bleeding."

That is how FREAKING cold it was today. I walked outside and the blood vessels in my schnoz exploded. Without my knowledge. Don't worry: It will be 40 below tonight (with wind chill).

In fact, I'd even recommend some long underwear under that gi to her.

Posted by ndNips at 10:43 PM | Permalink | Comments

I have now been living in my extremely humble abode for over two and a half years. I may have made mention of the fact that I received a delightful Christmas present from Excel Energy on Dec. 21 of this past year in the form of an electricity bill covering the entirety of the aforementioned residency. Or perhaps I didn't bring this to light? I am too lazy to go back and check. Anyway, after some terse words with customer service and extensive consultation with the consigliere (and eldest sibbling), I am on an awesome (not awesome) payment plan to take care of that little issue. And they don't take credit cards. That actually was supposed to be a single-line intro, but, as I said-- too lazy to see if I've already expounded on my recently discovered delinquency.

Anyway, the other day whilst attempting to draw out the 5 minutes of the day during which I am actually warm (In the shower), I began to ponder the amount of condensation that routinely builds up on the mirror, fixtures, and walls in my bathroom. I have always thought that the very regular rain drop patterns that streak the walls every morning were far in excess of what would be considered "normal" and "not Heaven for mold," and decided that perhaps it was time to check on the ducting situation behind my throaty, healthy-sounding exhaust fan. A preliminary, first-order test involving a piece of toilet paper and the precarious support of my legs over the tub-to-vanity expanse foretold the dubious news. Upon finding little to no suction, I pried off the paint-ensconced grating and dutifully wiped it dust free. I then removed the fan and fan motor, again removing years of caked on shower goo. Finally, after assuring myself that the fan was in good working order and not the cause of the daily rain forest translocation, I swung my flashlight northward to get a glimpse of what I expected to be an exceedingly gross and clogged duct. But that is not what I saw.

What I saw was a sealed metal box.


For over two and a half years I habitually and ignorantly started an audience-free, quick-moving Art Deco carousel within the ceiling of my bathroom under the pretense that it would somehow frighten away the water with it's guttural groan. And now I get to pay for it.

Reason #267 why it is time to go.

Posted by ndNips at 9:22 PM | Permalink | Comments