Hey there, Speck!
Hi, Everybody! The word of the day is "AWKWARD!!"When Ignatious A. Valentine sailed over to America from the West Indies to bring us Hallmark cards, chocolate, and warm oils, he neglected to explain the real goal of his quest: To make people awkward... and to entertain others by it. So it begins!
The Spag is officially on Proposal Watch: At any moment a grain plucked from the coal of South Africa could be presented to an unsuspecting young lass. At the Spag. Anyone who is bold/stupid/awkward enough to propose at the Spag is also bold/stupid/awkward enough to sucker a bartender/waitress into the ruse. Oh, Iggy, you're a genius.
Couplets, don your sarcasm hats: You are now on Sobbing Single Watch. Beware, though the Sobbing Single may appear to be seeking your reassurance and compassion, he/she is actually performing a stealth mission: Humor. "Alone at 30? Bwahahaha." It can be tricky to pick up at times... especially with the murderous glares after you finally appreciate the jest. They struggle for their art.
Significant Other F, I feel that I do not need to warn you about what you are about to endure. In an effort to conjure up a laugh, Uncah V will most certainly lace your Sig's drink with mind-numbing serum. Sometimes he even throws in inner-ear syndrome tonic and sick stomach rot. Again, it is absolutely key to recognize the whimsy immediately and begin guffawing at your mate's ineptitude and humiliation. That won't be awkward.
And finally, to the stratum closest to my heat: Sig Other M. My compassion goes out to you, gents, because your Sig will most certainly lose her mind today and become disenchanted with your romantic advances, only to immediately succumb to fits of inexplicable laughter. I can only recommend joining in: You never know what the heck she has in her brain anyway, why start now?
And there you have it! I hope you're dressed in red and have your laughing pants on, because V-funk is coming to town, and his middle name is "AWKWARD."
You have a slight resemblance to P-Dub himself.
Posted by
Emily |
1:04 PM