Getting Around
So, I am starting to get a feel for this city. Well, these cities, I suppose. St. Paul, this fine state's capitol and it's bigger brother are nestled against the shores of the Mighty Mississippi, though she isn't quite as mighty up here as she is further south. Minneapolis, and it's accompanying St. Anthony Falls, was the final destination for paddlewheelers and northbound merchant marine in the new frontier. It features an interesting and fragile geological formation built up of receding limestone. Water courses over the cap to provide a spectacular end to one of the world's longest navigable rivers. It was here that the "greatest milling machine ever made" was constructed, drawing power from the surging waters.
Over time, the world's largest producer of flour turned its sights on other goals. Thanks to some creative legislating and a Midwestern "can-do" spirit, Minneapolis is home to the largest number of start-ups per capita in the country. With the heavy industrial nature of each downtown, the "white flight" hit the metropolitan area quite hard: The suburbs became far flung, and white collar business ventures followed. The two rival cities, once fiercely competitive, decided to band together and forge new means of transporting their denizens throughout the area. With so much space and such little population, the circumscribing Interstate Loop System was the shot of life that filled the void. Rapid Transit had arrived.
Unfortunately, as the Cities have grown (by another million in the next 10 years), these ill-conceived and underfunded roadways have become a constraint and the lack of rail and alternative transit only exacerbates the squeeze. To cope, the Metropolitan Council has created one of the largest bus systems in the country (per capita). In an effort to maintain standards of living, only a limited number of taxicabs are allowed in the metro area, a cause of angst for those trying to find a way home at night. In addition, a nascent light rail (LRT) has been installed that is of little value until it is complete. Walking is nearly impossible, due to the far-flung nature of the urban planning and the existence of a river running through it.
With these hurdles presented, many people are trying to find new ways to get around. These include ride sharing and bicycling. My neighborhood was ranked #6 in the nation for "Eco-friendly" design for its embrace of these methods. iOFF, with it's own "EcoDrive" engine, has recently found a new way to navigate the metro:
It gets towed.
And I get charged $245.
I mean... it has a heart of gold for trying, but this is ridiculous. Some redneck towed it all the way to the other side of town and then wouldn't give it back to me until I had my father send a fax to him (D'oh! Knew we should have transferred that title...). For some reason he, upon learning of my plight, decided that the best way to help would be to go to Mass. Shockingly, his prayers did not get my car back to me any faster. Slower, in fact. So, after getting heavily scrutinized by crazy-cat-lady receptionist, preached to by redneck yocal who "just loves that lot," and assured that my car was not "dropped off the truck" by supersweetdude, I finally got my car back. And blasted off to St. John's/St. Ben's to shed the anger of living in the city. Emily was a trooper throughout ("They went to Church? Seriously??"), and my bro Kurt ("They went to Church? Seriously??"), was the champ who made it all happen.
We rocked 'er in St. Joe (Home of St. Ben's) that night in classic form with T-Roy and Koberton. Holy crap, St. Joe is tiny. But it almost felt like home. You see, my dad comes from around that part of the state and my aunt actually works at the universities. The pretentiousness of the city does not exist there. Everybody throws their coats in the corner of the bar... Everybody throws their coats in the corner of the bar! Saddling up to get a drink, all the people around you start yapping you up. Small towns... Good times.
And iOFF has no ABS. Good to know in the snow.
Over time, the world's largest producer of flour turned its sights on other goals. Thanks to some creative legislating and a Midwestern "can-do" spirit, Minneapolis is home to the largest number of start-ups per capita in the country. With the heavy industrial nature of each downtown, the "white flight" hit the metropolitan area quite hard: The suburbs became far flung, and white collar business ventures followed. The two rival cities, once fiercely competitive, decided to band together and forge new means of transporting their denizens throughout the area. With so much space and such little population, the circumscribing Interstate Loop System was the shot of life that filled the void. Rapid Transit had arrived.
Unfortunately, as the Cities have grown (by another million in the next 10 years), these ill-conceived and underfunded roadways have become a constraint and the lack of rail and alternative transit only exacerbates the squeeze. To cope, the Metropolitan Council has created one of the largest bus systems in the country (per capita). In an effort to maintain standards of living, only a limited number of taxicabs are allowed in the metro area, a cause of angst for those trying to find a way home at night. In addition, a nascent light rail (LRT) has been installed that is of little value until it is complete. Walking is nearly impossible, due to the far-flung nature of the urban planning and the existence of a river running through it.
With these hurdles presented, many people are trying to find new ways to get around. These include ride sharing and bicycling. My neighborhood was ranked #6 in the nation for "Eco-friendly" design for its embrace of these methods. iOFF, with it's own "EcoDrive" engine, has recently found a new way to navigate the metro:
It gets towed.
And I get charged $245.
I mean... it has a heart of gold for trying, but this is ridiculous. Some redneck towed it all the way to the other side of town and then wouldn't give it back to me until I had my father send a fax to him (D'oh! Knew we should have transferred that title...). For some reason he, upon learning of my plight, decided that the best way to help would be to go to Mass. Shockingly, his prayers did not get my car back to me any faster. Slower, in fact. So, after getting heavily scrutinized by crazy-cat-lady receptionist, preached to by redneck yocal who "just loves that lot," and assured that my car was not "dropped off the truck" by supersweetdude, I finally got my car back. And blasted off to St. John's/St. Ben's to shed the anger of living in the city. Emily was a trooper throughout ("They went to Church? Seriously??"), and my bro Kurt ("They went to Church? Seriously??"), was the champ who made it all happen.
We rocked 'er in St. Joe (Home of St. Ben's) that night in classic form with T-Roy and Koberton. Holy crap, St. Joe is tiny. But it almost felt like home. You see, my dad comes from around that part of the state and my aunt actually works at the universities. The pretentiousness of the city does not exist there. Everybody throws their coats in the corner of the bar... Everybody throws their coats in the corner of the bar! Saddling up to get a drink, all the people around you start yapping you up. Small towns... Good times.
And iOFF has no ABS. Good to know in the snow.
Speaking as someone who should know, it's spelled "yokel". And I can only hope that yours was slack-jawed.
Posted by
Goat |
5:46 PM
Haha, small town fun! :) I actually love the St. Ben's/St. John's area. It's in its own little plane of Minnesota existence, kind of like a real-life version of Lake Wobegon. Did you tell the people at the bar about the car being towed and the guy going to mass? Because I'm pretty sure there would have been a group "oh for unlucky!" followed by a round of delicious bars -- made with love, from your small town Minnesota friends.
--Kelly
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:05 PM
Slack-jawed, indeed. Oh, Cletus.
Posted by
ndNips |
12:22 PM