Hand me my
Conch.
Oh, man, what a week. I have been working my tail off with this silly paper and grinding my self esteem into a gooey paste that I hope to someday fashion into insulating sealing putty for use around my apartment's windows. I'm green. Just like the Oscars.
Thankfully, after a miserable Friday, Friday night and Saturday came. And did they ever. Dubtown got smoked Friday night. Hard. And it only got worse Saturday. Those poor suckers. But they did get on national news. If there is one thing a city of 27K loves, it is getting on national news.
Snow is a great playing field grater. Sure you can fly and bite me in the summer, but can you take the snow and bitter cold? Didn't think so, fauna. And flora, for that matter. It doesn't matter what kind of car you drive. You are in the snow. The deep snow. It lets you ignore your higher level needs and retreat down the pyramid to "finding food." It is rather exhilarating. I saw a plow that was 3 stories tall and had a bucket that was 20 yards wide. I swear to God. It came right at me. In the grocery store parking lot. I chose flight over fight.
It also makes people go insane. As soon as the first flakes fall, people lose concentration on their jobs. By the foot mark, they go insane and start flagrantly breaking laws. By the time 2am comes around and there is over a foot on the snow, anarchy takes over. With Emily and the Blue Eyed Gopher's Cousin in EU's fly ride, I busted through the drifts to see crazed SUV yahoos terrorize innocent bystanders, whipping around corners, throwing snowballs, and laying on horns, poor little people-who-are-not-from-around-here trying to drive in the snow, 10s of people standing in the middle of busy streets thumbing rides, and a guy who ran out at a car, jumped on it's trunk, and clung on for half a block before the driver stopped and the passenger jumped out and started cussing him out. I swear to God. Pandemonium. It was great. And petrifying.
I also did my Good Samaritanly deed of the week and helped a couple get their car unstuck from the middle of the parking lot.
And now, allow me to explain how to get unstuck. Nobody around here seems to get it. Do NOT just floor it. That is ALWAYS the worst idea. It builds up ice under your tires. You could imagine that is not a good thing. Rock you car. This is easiest with a manual tranny, but you must try. Depress the gas pedal for no more than 2 seconds. Please. Keep rocking, and you will get out. Keep revving, and you'll make your neighbors really angry.
Emily's dad likes the snow. So do the Fjords! They are so versatile!
Oh, man, what a week. I have been working my tail off with this silly paper and grinding my self esteem into a gooey paste that I hope to someday fashion into insulating sealing putty for use around my apartment's windows. I'm green. Just like the Oscars.
Thankfully, after a miserable Friday, Friday night and Saturday came. And did they ever. Dubtown got smoked Friday night. Hard. And it only got worse Saturday. Those poor suckers. But they did get on national news. If there is one thing a city of 27K loves, it is getting on national news.
Snow is a great playing field grater. Sure you can fly and bite me in the summer, but can you take the snow and bitter cold? Didn't think so, fauna. And flora, for that matter. It doesn't matter what kind of car you drive. You are in the snow. The deep snow. It lets you ignore your higher level needs and retreat down the pyramid to "finding food." It is rather exhilarating. I saw a plow that was 3 stories tall and had a bucket that was 20 yards wide. I swear to God. It came right at me. In the grocery store parking lot. I chose flight over fight.
It also makes people go insane. As soon as the first flakes fall, people lose concentration on their jobs. By the foot mark, they go insane and start flagrantly breaking laws. By the time 2am comes around and there is over a foot on the snow, anarchy takes over. With Emily and the Blue Eyed Gopher's Cousin in EU's fly ride, I busted through the drifts to see crazed SUV yahoos terrorize innocent bystanders, whipping around corners, throwing snowballs, and laying on horns, poor little people-who-are-not-from-around-here trying to drive in the snow, 10s of people standing in the middle of busy streets thumbing rides, and a guy who ran out at a car, jumped on it's trunk, and clung on for half a block before the driver stopped and the passenger jumped out and started cussing him out. I swear to God. Pandemonium. It was great. And petrifying.I also did my Good Samaritanly deed of the week and helped a couple get their car unstuck from the middle of the parking lot.
And now, allow me to explain how to get unstuck. Nobody around here seems to get it. Do NOT just floor it. That is ALWAYS the worst idea. It builds up ice under your tires. You could imagine that is not a good thing. Rock you car. This is easiest with a manual tranny, but you must try. Depress the gas pedal for no more than 2 seconds. Please. Keep rocking, and you will get out. Keep revving, and you'll make your neighbors really angry.
Emily's dad likes the snow. So do the Fjords! They are so versatile!
Wait... Father Luther is white?
Posted by
Anonymous |
4:14 PM