Nips' Conniptions

Update?? You want a freakin' update?

FINE.

I have been MISERABLE for the past week and a half.

• Some time ago, I became infected with the Bird Flu. I thought I recovered.

• The first stage of encephalitis set in last Friday. It was delicious.

• Not long after, meningitis struck me. It was surprisingly smooth.

• By Tuesday, it became apparent that I was suffering from menopause. It made me feel warm and fuzzy.

• It wasn't until shortly thereafter that I realized that I was suffering from polio. It came as a shock.

• On Thursday, my spleen nearly ruptured and it was apparent that I had contracted mono. I decided that "I have mono" is much more entertaining in Spanglish than English. It was wacky.

• Anyway, athlete's foot, mumps, and rubella all hit at the same time. It was a sight to behold.

• Sunday brought incredible painful itching of... every joint in my body. Mmmpoisonivypudding!!

• Since he is an opportunistic prick, the Hiv dropped by too with his buddy Ayeds. It got crowded.

• To make matters worse, I picked up the herp from a tainted glass on Friday. It was devine.

To make a long story short... Arty the Tapeworm has both heard and responded to the biological challenge gong and its accompanying threat to his position of dominance by feverishly chomping through my intenstines like a certain former tone and iconic film star in the DH.

I hurt.

• It is scruptrulescent.

Posted by ndNips on Monday, April 03, 2006 at 5:10 PM | Permalink