Get under the knife
It has been commented on several occasions, mainly by yours truly, that the iOFF is a perversion of modern design. I have yet to be able to find a single piece of metal on the vehicle and am continually astounded by the incredible use of plastics, composites, etc. featured from bumper to bumper. Figure in the bizarre instrument panel positioning and lack of cruise control, and this ride very nearly resembles something you might imagine that the future chewed up, soaked in slimy future-juice, and projectile vomited back into 2003.
As such, I think it is only right that I begin performing some medieval medicinal procedures on it. Today I had it in for its traditional 3,000 mile bloodletting and, while considering the value of a sack full of leeches, I noticed a faint hissing sound emitting from the rear passenger side tire. Indeed, the traitorous radial has sprung a leak. I have decided to let it bleed.
It got me thinking, though... you may recall that it was the rear passenger side that recently got banged up in Chicago. In addition, it was the rear driver side that got so violently punched in mere months ago. Of course, there is no way of really setting any clear timeline on this issue, but it seems like the cancer is spreading. So far, it has overtaken the whole rear end of the car... I don't even want to know what happens when it migrates north to the front end. My personal belief is that it is time for an emergency rear-of-the-car-ectomy. Kill it before it kills the rest of the beast. It seems like the only humane thing to do.
Either that... or the car's got the Hiv.
In that case, Larry, you'd better watch out. Walter's coming. And he's calmer than you are.
As such, I think it is only right that I begin performing some medieval medicinal procedures on it. Today I had it in for its traditional 3,000 mile bloodletting and, while considering the value of a sack full of leeches, I noticed a faint hissing sound emitting from the rear passenger side tire. Indeed, the traitorous radial has sprung a leak. I have decided to let it bleed.
It got me thinking, though... you may recall that it was the rear passenger side that recently got banged up in Chicago. In addition, it was the rear driver side that got so violently punched in mere months ago. Of course, there is no way of really setting any clear timeline on this issue, but it seems like the cancer is spreading. So far, it has overtaken the whole rear end of the car... I don't even want to know what happens when it migrates north to the front end. My personal belief is that it is time for an emergency rear-of-the-car-ectomy. Kill it before it kills the rest of the beast. It seems like the only humane thing to do.
Either that... or the car's got the Hiv.
In that case, Larry, you'd better watch out. Walter's coming. And he's calmer than you are.
I suggest some sort of scheme where the iOff is destroyed, and you are forced to buy another car. Perhaps, a German vehicle.
Posted by
Lizett! |
11:50 AM