Defrocked
Psst...Hey, you.
Yeah, you!
Wanna go for a ride?
I'm sleek. Dark. Mysterious. Sporty. And "Special."
Come on! You can trust me, sweet thing. Nothing but Detroit Pride under this hood.
Baby, I'm sizzline! Look at my recs! Step inside and I'll show you my "Special Side."
OH, GOD.
Your lying days are over, iOFF! After a brutal court case, the likes of which this fair hamlet has not seen since the argument of whether or not to observe daylight saving time (just kidding... only backwards hicktowns have that experience), the iOFF has been officially stripped of its "Special Edition" title.
A local curiosity and object of much mockery, the "Special Edition" logo brandished by the iOFF was, as we have learned to our dismay, not authentic.
I'll give you a moment to change your underpants.
That's right! There never was anything special about it! The case has been closed! There really wasn't anything special about the lack of power locks, windows, or mirrors! Flying in the face of creationists everywhere, we have determined that there was nothing special even about the lack of cruise control!
After some intense sessions with psychiatrists, it is believed that the iOFF will again become a contributing member of society. Indeed, his recovery has been miraculous. After a scant $3,500, he is as nimble as a spring pup! Detailed inside and out, he is in better shape then at his first introduction. It is possible that he is short a little rubber, though, as some may have been left on the streets of Winona this weekend. With a clean conscience and a new "Special Edition"-free posterior, the iOFF is ready for some Chicago-style vroomation.
The streets are once again safe... for now.
(Editors Note: Apparently it is supposed to snow and be crappy for the rest of time... a pic of the somber iOFF in the cold rain is as good as you'll get.)
OH, GOD. The jig is up!
Posted by
Lizett! |
2:01 PM